Turkey: Do you want to know why firetrucks are always red?
Me: Um. Sure? Wait. Haven't you told me this before? I can't remember. You KNOW I'm not good with jokes,
The Turkey cuts eyes towards his mom, tilts his head a smidge, and is silent. I hate the silent treatment.
Me: But go ahead.Turkey: So, 1 plus 1 is two, right?
Hearing an affirmative mumble he went on...
Turkey: And 2 plus 2 is four, right? And since this is the third step, three times four is.... ?
Me: 12!
Whew! I never know when the trick questions are coming my way so I was deliriously happy to know I got a serious math answer correct. Score! If I had only known how fast the bubble would burst...
Turkey: And there are 12 inches in a ruler, right?
Me: Depends on what kind of ruler you're using. But, yes, the school rulers have 12 inches. Plus a tad.
Turkey: Smirking And another ruler is a queen, right?
Me: Most of the time.
Turkey: Another ruler is Queen Elizabeth, right?
Me: Wellllllll, there have been two Queen Elizabeths. One was a ruler, yes, the other is just a monarch.
I was feeling smart. Almost ready to appear on Are You Smarter Than A Third Grader. (Yeah. I know it's supposed to be fifth grade, but I'm so not ready for prime time yet.)
The Turkey is chuckling now. I think there was some head shaking here, but it was dark and I can't be sure. Heck, he could have been recording this whole thing with his iPod, in which case I'm YouTube toast.
Turkey: The Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and ships sail the seven seas.
Then looking at his mother and clearly stating...
Turkey: MOST of the time.
Me: Well, yes, but there are some ships that sail in the bathtub and some in the Chesapeake Bay, not to mention the Gulf of Mexico which is not technically part of the Seven Seas, so let's get real and say ships just sail in the sea. Generic SEA. Mmm-kay?
Turkey: And there are fish in the seven seas, right? And fish have fins?
Dang, he's persistent!
Me: Sometimes. Sometimes fish have fins.
Quick! Are there any fish that don't have fins? Sea creatures, yes; but what about fish? Argh!
Laughing Turkey: And the Fins fought the Russians, right?
Me: I dunno.
Hysterical Turkey: YES! World War Two! The Fins totally fought the Russians!
More laughter. Why didn't he have a stomach ache by now?
Hysterical Turkey: And the Russians wore red, didn't they?
Me: I dunno.
Hysterical Turkey: Moooommmmmm! The RED army! They wore RED! And that's why fire trucks are red. They are always RUSHIN'!
There was way too much triumph in the tone of his voice. I shook my head in the negative directions and quickly changed the subject. SKOR candy bars seemed like a safe topic. Grocery store. Tomorrow's list of things to do. Whew! Until he circled back to the Russians....
Turkey: So why were you confused at the end of the fire truck joke?
Me: It just didn't make sense. Why did you have to bring the Russians into this? I mean, what happened to the Confederates? They wore red.
This stopped him in his tracks.
Turkey: No. No, they didn't.
Me: Confederates! Yessss.... Oh, wait. No. I mean the Red Coats! Confederates were blues and grays. I was thinking about the British Red Coats. Those guys. With the red jackets. They wore red and their uniforms were a lot more fashionable than the Red Army. Duh!
At this point the Turkey lost it. If he was laughing before, he was cackling now. Then he was doubled over at the waist and slapping his knee. Did he really have to add those? I mean, jokes about my age and something about being blonder than my highlights AND knee slaps? *Heavy sigh.* Wait! Maybe I could blame this on my new pink sparkly highlights? Now there's an idea!
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