Thanks and laughter

This is us just before Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, the turkey is taller than me. Yes, his chin looks like Jay Leno's in this picture but not in real life. He's such a cute dork.

There were 16 of us gathered for a Thanksgiving feast yesterday. Before sampling the bounty we went around the room and each person said what they were thankful for. The toasts, prayers and speeches were personal, some emotional, and all were heartfelt. It was one of those Hallmark moments complete with candlelight. Drew broke the mold when it was his turn, though: "I'm thankful for humor and cheese." Forget his mother. Forget a warm bed and a roof over his head and someone to nag him about his homework. Forget his grandparents that spoil him mercilessly. (I'll say it - thanks, grams and gaps!) Nope. He's thankful for humor and cheese. Sigh. Needless to say, he got lots of laughs and extra helpings of cheese at the table.

Happy Thanksgiving

Many posts ago I hinted at non-love for the Thanksgiving holiday. Yes, it's true. Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. But today is The Day and I feel a need to set the record straight.

Thanksgiving is lovely. I enjoy a holiday that calls for eating all day. The opportunity to say "thank you" without seeming like an emotional sap is terrific. The Macy's parade is a feat of special event engineering and should be revered. I am grateful for God's gifts and this funny life. Thanksgiving is just not my FAVORITE holiday.

But if you really must know, I simply don't care for turkey. Ironic, no?

To all my friends, family and those who help keep the fun ... HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

Infinitely confusing

The other day Drew asked me to imagine infinity. Then he asked me to imagine a number of smaller infinities within the larger infinity. Huh? My imagination failed. Infinity IS infinite, right? How could there be smaller infinities within a larger infinity? Wouldn't they all just run together so the larger infinities adopted the smaller ones? Like social services for infinities?

Ouch! I'm getting a headache just remembering the conversation. Ever the scientist, the Turkey presses on. Here's an excerpt:

Think of the larger infinity as an invisible container with a whole bunch of smaller infinities inside. (I'm imagining a matroska doll.) Some of the smaller infinities will collapse and fall in on themselves, others will just keep bumping around in the larger infinity fish bowl. (Ditch the matroska. I'm now imagining this as a pinball game but the flippers aren't working fast enough.) The large infinity can be a form of antimatter scientists call Nothing. Nothing being capitalized because “Nothing” is not nothing. (Headache alert. Do you have any ibuprofen?) Nothing is the “stuff” which holds every universe together, and brings some to collapse. Nothing has mass, as proved by Einstein. It accounts for approximately 96% of our universe. It may account for about 99.99999% of the large infinity, while the smaller infinities account for an infinitesimally small amount. (Um. Yeah. I'm still not following but if it will get you a scholarship, by all means, keep going.)

Blah ... universe ... random ... not all Nothing was created equal ... mass of nothing ... infinitely expanding ... blah ... pockets ... anti-mass ... (HEADACHE!) ... infinity ... interchangeable ... (is anyone else envisioning a scene from Men in Black?) ... larger infinity ... possible ...

Frankly, he lost me at imagine.

Cheese, glorious cheese!

It's no secret that we like cheese. Multiple varieties are standard for any grocery excursion and cheese occupies the master bedroom of the refrigerator - the largest drawer. Given the prevalent cheese love, it should come as no surprise that Drew deftly changed the lyrics to the Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams are Made of This to the following homage to fromage. Enjoy!

Sweet dreams are made of cheese,
Who are you to disagree?
Travel the world and sample brie
Everybody's looking for gouda
Some of them want to be cheddar
Some of them want to grated by you.

A memoir in 6. By me.

Try this, you might like it!

A friend recently attended a retreat where the book Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure was used as the focal point of their discussion. You got it - a memoir in six, count 'em, SIX words. This is definitely not a blogger's strong suit! It is as difficult as it is easy; as profound as it is silly. Check out the book and website and see what you come up with. Be sure to post your 6 worder in the comment section, preferably on pink turkey as the comment sections are complaining of loneliness. Here are some personal musings to get you started:

1. There really is a Santa Claus.
2. Forwarding address expired. I've moved on.
3. Keep writing and something will happen.
4. Life is not a spectator sport.
5. Solo parenting teenager and still laughing.
6. I'm done. Now it's your turn.

Card game

It is halfway through November and my brain is swirling with holiday thoughts. Not the turkey and stuffing sort of thoughts, but the paper and glue and doo-dads and envelopes and stamps variety. This time of year the brain automatically shifts to Christmas Cards and their deadline looming on the horizon. I start fondling paper and caressing it like silk, weighing options and experimenting with vellums and threads and glitters, deciding on a shapes and messages, and then whittling the list of recipients. Yes, I go a bit nuts. OK, more than a bit. Try Hi-my-name-is-Jess-and-I'm-a-Christmas-card-aholic. Here. Check out some of previous Christmas card designs:

The "joy" is actually a gift tag and the pink underneath is sparkly wrapping paper. This is one of those designs where it was more conceptual, and each card was distinctly different although the materials and inside greeting were the same. Here's another "joy" card:

Then we move to simple, crafted from recycled card stock, paper bags and gingham fabric. The text was scribbled in brown magic marker.

Here are two from my square card kick. The pink one was a ton of fun and time consuming. "Joy to the world" is printed on vellum and tacked to a big square of pink. Framing the text is a slide frame with funky thread peeking out from beneath.

And blue, the color of advent. These were simple squares of blue and white, hand cut so they were a bit wonky. The swirly vellum was a great backdrop for a pewter snowflake.


So what to do for 2008? Whatever the concept I'm determined to go 100% recycled materials. That's right card fans, only materials currently inhabiting the drawers and boxes and shelves of the house. Believe me, there's PLENTY to choose from! I already have some wacky ideas. Stay tuned for the final result(s)!

A trip to the museum

Have you noticed there’s no better place for people watching than public transportation hubs? Think about all the fascinating people you see at airports, trains, metros, sidewalks. Got a good mental image? Good. Now think about the venue as a museum with all of those fascinating people as living works of art. A friend of mine calls this the Museum of Humanity.

One such Work of Art caught my attention earlier this week while sitting in the Museum of Humanity's metro train wing. It was about 8pm, there weren't many people around and the darkness outside enveloped the car, turning the large windows in to veritable mirrors. The woman about 3 rows up was talking. There was nobody else around her. I automatically thought her animated conversation was due to a cell phone or Bluetooth in her vicinity. As she turned, however, there was no Bluetooth and no cell phone. Gasp! Could it be? Could this be the revered Work of Art known as "Woman in Row 1 and Her Reflection?" Cha-ching! Imagine my inner excitement when it was confirmed she was talking to herself as was indeed "Woman in Row 1 and Her Reflection." Yes, she was talking to her own reflection in the window! WiR1aHR was beautiful, artfully arranged and her conversation quite animated, even heated from time to time. This was a truly classic Museum experience. Michelangelo himself could not have carved or painted her more brilliantly! I was immediately enthralled.

As I continued to study this particular Work of Art and her conversation with her reflection, I noticed others doing the same. There were audible gasps from onlookers, whispers, giggles, even a snicker; all other conversation disintegrated to hushed tones as we were all captivated by the sheer power of the Art. It was only the metro announcer with the crackled cry of "next stop, Union Station!" that shook the reverie. All too soon it was over. One last look, one last listen, and I stepped off the metro as she sped east towards more conversation.

Thinking back on WiR1aHR I am still awed by the experience. Do look for her next time you find yourself entrenched in the Museum of Humanity. She's tough to locate but well worth it. And if you don't find her but stumble upon a Work of Art just as intriguing, do share!

Milk cartons, here we come

The following is a missing persons report:

Name: Drew (also goes by Turkey)
Height: taller than me
Weight: skinny minny
Eyes: Yes
Hair: Yes
Last seen: some time in September

He's been abducted by aliens! Maybe those aliens are more commonly known as hormones, but the kid has obviously been abducted. The child that looks suspiciously like my kid is scatterbrained (forgot his keys for the second day in a row today), amazingly disorganized (can't find the permission slips I signed last night), loses his lunch money (or maybe he spends it on new pencils becuase he loses those as well), can't remember what he's supposed to do from one moment to the next, never charges his cell phone so it's dead when he really does need it, and oh those eating spells! Seriously. This can't be my kid. The humor is still in tact but I swear the rest of him was abducted.

If seen, please feed the child a large cheese pizza (don't worry - you won't have many leftovers) before returning home.

Magazines

We were shopping recently when I made some offhanded gripe. It was probably more like a Gripe with a capital G. Drew replied, "Mom, you're like a magazine. You have issues!"

HUH? I have issues? OK. Yeah. Well, the kid has a point. To wit: ironed pillowcases. Need I say more?

"Issues, huh? Back issues, or am I currently in circulation?" Wait. Do I smell bloggable conversation in the air? Roger that. Ooo, goody! The emote-o-meter moves from gripey to impish faster than a new B-mer on the autobahn.

Drew was lost in thought to the count of three Mississippi and then said, "You're currently in circulation with maybe, oh, 40 years of back issues."

"Thanks, dude." Punch in the arm. "So what magazine am I? National Geographic with lovely images and insightful, educational articles?"

"Nope." Drat. I was hoping for something brilliantly photographic with smart writing.

"Real Simple?"

"Ha. There's nothing simple about you, Mom." He's got a point.

"Martha Stewart? Better Homes and Gardens? National Enquirer?"

"Definitely not!" We're both giggling.

"Then what magazine am I?"

We laughed over the ridiculous possibilities for a while -- Country Living, Oprah, Playboy, Runner's World, Car & Driver, InStyle, Boy's Life. How funny that Drew is a no brainer with Scientific American. I, however, need a lifetime subscription to ProfessionalFrustratedDecoratorEasyCookingCrafterPaperfreakHome-ShoppingSingleMom for Dummies, pink edition.

For back issues, please contact me @ the email address previously provided. Leave a message after the beep.

Vote for java!

After you vote on Tuesday be sure to head over to one of your local Starbucks. Tell the friendly barrista you voted and you'll get a free tall coffee! Yes, FREE! And all because you voted. As a bonus, the extra caffeine will help you stay up to watch the returns.

Voting for java. What a cool concept.

Hallo - BOO! - ween

This Halloween ended a 9-year tradition for Drew. For the past 9 years he has been dressing up as a vampire for trick-or-treating. We had dressing up down to a science. This year, however, he decided he'd have more fun hanging on the porch and handing out candy to the shorter set. No dressing up. Well, he did have his "fear the turtle" shirt on and said that counted. Sure.

Drew was on the porch handing out candy and talking about his pumpkin when it occurred to me just WHY he didn't want to go trick-or-treating. It's called pumpkin docent. He was having more fun talking about the science behind his pumpkin creation! See, we have this way cool disc embedded with LED lights and a bubbler; drop it in a pumpkin with a little water and it not only changes colors but also makes smoke. Ooooh! Aaaah!




The pumpkin was the subject of much of the conversation last night. MUCH conversation! Drew did a great job with the carving and was very proud of his creation. It really was neato burrito.

Our traditional glitter eyeballs popping out of the front flower bed were eclipsed by the smokin' pumpkin, but they were still there:



And then there was the 2nd character filled pumpkin:


All the decor aside, we had a great time with the trick-or-treaters who stopped by the house. Lots of super cute costumes. Our favorite was the little boy dressed up like a sheriff. He must have been 3 or 3-and-a-half and had a personality with more bubble than a bubble gum factory. He arrived at the end of our driveway in his stroller pushed by dad, jumped out, held his hand up to dad with a "stway there!" command, sauntered up to us on the front porch, and acted his part to a tee. The little sheriff held out his gun, butt side towards us, and said "Bang! Bang! Twick or tweet!" then looked around for his pumpkin candy bag. He couldn't find the candy bag (which remained attached to the stroller) so he held out his hand and grinned. Drew put candy in his hand. A quick "thank you bye" followed along with another backwards "bang" from the toy gun, and then he practically galloped back to his stroller. As soon as he was seated on stroller Tonto again he waved and said "bye!", leaving Drew and I laughing in hysterics. I wish you could have seen this kid. The confidence, the backwards gun and the words that just ran together ... priceless! Who needs mastercard?!