Christmas angels

Words, words, words!

Our holiday greetings and CD were co-branded this year with a neato graphic. It was a conglomeration of holiday words (Christmas, manger, jingle, bells, gift, noel, star, angels ... you get the gist) all typeset close together in different sizes, in bright reds and pinks. I tried to post the graphic here but it kept going wonky, appearing sideways. (Technology! Hrumpf.) Fear not, lovely blog readers! For unto you this day exists a website known as wordle. Check it out and be prepared for some serious time wastage. Just enter text or a website URL and - voila! - this way cool graphic appears. You can change the font, colors, and general layout to suit your needs, or on a whim. Enjoy!

And, yes, wordle is responsible for our holiday graphic. Thanks, wordlers!


1/5/09 UPDATE - Hooray! I finally figured out how to get around the technological gremlins and was able to post the image. Better late than never. Enjoy!

The Gift

Simple, emotional, timely, elegant and gorgeously performed. My gift to you this Christmas is a melodic reminder to give AND receive:


The gift we deliver in the gift we receive
Is the giving spirit Mary did conceive,
The royal gift of love in the desert plain
Is given to all mankind in His name.

Joy. Joy. It is our true delight
To give and receive on this wondrous night.
The boy child who Mary has borne
And his light will shine on beyond the dawn.

The Gift - The King's Singers/...

Drew and I wish you many shining moments as you exchange gifts on this most wondrous of holidays. Merry Christmas!

Our tree

A little Christmas music

I had forgotten about a wonderful choral group known as The King's Singers until my cousin reminded me about them this fall. Said cousin should be on their payroll because I have since purchased multiple King's Singers recordings, placed not one but TWO of their pieces on our Christmas CD, and am now blogging about them. My latest King's Singers obsession is on YouTube. Check out this piece of Christmas cheer with, of all people, John Denver and Julie Andrews:



Please enjoy some other King's Singers videos while on YouTube. They are well worth the 3 or 4 minutes. Oh, and twelveoclockbroccoli, your CD is in the mail. Enjoy!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I may have momentarily lost the jingle in my bells, but you'd never know it by looking at my office. Look up. There. See the snowflakes? There are some glittery snowballs - oops - snow SPHERES there, too. And if you look at the gorgeous pressed wood particle desk you'll even see heaps of snow on the desk, um, ground. Grab a shovel - we're gonna need it to get through this mess!

Do you think there will be a 2-hour school delay tomorrow?

Our Christmas letter

Jess and Drew are still in Maryland, still working, still single, still finding lots to laugh about. While we may have stayed put, we have been anything but still in 2008.

The year began with Jess as a wanna-be blonde. Another bout of vertigo left her dizzy instead of the usual ditzy. She headed to the salon and asked to BE blonde instead of just acting like one. It didn’t last long. She does, however, have a fab new ’do!

Spring break was spent in Niagara Falls and Toronto. It snowed. We froze. See “ditzy” above. Isn’t one supposed to go someplace warm for spring break? Seriously. We have great photos of the Falls and two frozen statues looking suspiciously like Jess and Drew.

Drew graduated from middle school in June and promptly ran away to Turkey. He was supposedly there to study physics. Right. Sure. He came back after 11 days to do laundry and then departed for another exotic locale. In all, Drew had five – count ‘em, FIVE! – trips this summer. Jess spent the time funding the teenager’s summer excursions and stocking laundry detergent for when he came home.

From Turkey Trip June 2008

Customs in Turkey and the US were no problem for Drew. However, he was almost detained by the TSA going to another foreign country – Texas – for not knowing his name. Seems he forgot if his mom put “Drew” or “Andrew” on his ticket. Next spring we’ll change his name and really throw him for a loop! What do you think of Archaimbaud? Or maybe Homer?

In July, during one of Drew’s irregular weeks at home, Jess hit the big four-oh. She’s still suffering from knuckle damage and swears she’ll return the punching bag as soon as she can find the receipt. On the other hand, Drew had no trouble with the big four-teen.

Drew started high school this Fall. Wait. High school? Already? (To which the teenager replies, “Hell-lo? You’re old. See “four-oh” above.)

About the same time Drew started high school Jess began a new job as a chauffeur and ATM in addition to her regular work at the university. Evenings and weekends are spent doling out money, driving a teenager to and from activities, doling out money, waiting for the “it’s OK to pick me up” phone calls, driving some more, and doling out money. The job has no vacation or sick leave so she is relying on the occasional emotive responses from the aforementioned teenager as remuneration. Or she’ll win the lottery.

Halloween. Veteran’s Day. Thanksgiving. National Flossing Day. We celebrated them all and are looking forward to Christmas and New Year’s around the corner. We send warm wishes for wonderful holiday celebrations with your loved ones and the not-so-loved-ones-but-gotta-act-like-you-love-‘em-anyway ones. May you find much laughter in the new days of 2009! ☺

Oh, happy day!

Happy National Ding-a-Ling Day!

(insert applause. cue confetti and balloon drop. celebration tunes ...go...)

I know you've been anxiously awaiting it all year. Yes, it's finally National Ding-a-Ling Day. It's the perfect excuse to celebrate your inner ding-a-ling! (You know you have one.) Or, for those -lings who have already been outed, party on! Just ding it!

Sir Mathalot

We hosted the calculus club Saturday night. It was a cozy event in our small house. To make enough seating, we imported a card table from my parents' basement. The boys quickly ditched all other options in favor of the imported round, littering it with calculators, graph paper, pencils and a textbook that could (should?) be used in a gym for weight lifting. Seven heads were bent over the small table, debating how to work the problems and arguing over the final answers. It was hysterical! We started calling them the Nerds of the Round Table! Just picture Sir Mathalot leading the charge, summoning the others to sharpen pencils and march on the next equation, mapping out the battle on graph paper, consulting Calculator Merlin for advice.

All hail, Derivatives!

Come and help me, Obi Wan!

Drew is currently obsessed with a YouTube video tribute to John Williams. There are many worse things to be obsessed with, so strains of "kiss a wookie, kick a droid" echoing through the house from time to time are totally acceptable. I can handle Drew singing the ENTIRE song at seemingly inopportune times. I can even get behind him serenading my boss with it -- which he did tonight as we left the basketball game. Uh huh. But if ya'll thought I was bad with Christmas songs, you ain't seen nuthin yet! Seriously. So check out the song continually playing around our house. Just stay clear of the wookie. I hear they have rotten breath.

Thanks and laughter

This is us just before Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, the turkey is taller than me. Yes, his chin looks like Jay Leno's in this picture but not in real life. He's such a cute dork.

There were 16 of us gathered for a Thanksgiving feast yesterday. Before sampling the bounty we went around the room and each person said what they were thankful for. The toasts, prayers and speeches were personal, some emotional, and all were heartfelt. It was one of those Hallmark moments complete with candlelight. Drew broke the mold when it was his turn, though: "I'm thankful for humor and cheese." Forget his mother. Forget a warm bed and a roof over his head and someone to nag him about his homework. Forget his grandparents that spoil him mercilessly. (I'll say it - thanks, grams and gaps!) Nope. He's thankful for humor and cheese. Sigh. Needless to say, he got lots of laughs and extra helpings of cheese at the table.

Happy Thanksgiving

Many posts ago I hinted at non-love for the Thanksgiving holiday. Yes, it's true. Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. But today is The Day and I feel a need to set the record straight.

Thanksgiving is lovely. I enjoy a holiday that calls for eating all day. The opportunity to say "thank you" without seeming like an emotional sap is terrific. The Macy's parade is a feat of special event engineering and should be revered. I am grateful for God's gifts and this funny life. Thanksgiving is just not my FAVORITE holiday.

But if you really must know, I simply don't care for turkey. Ironic, no?

To all my friends, family and those who help keep the fun ... HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

Infinitely confusing

The other day Drew asked me to imagine infinity. Then he asked me to imagine a number of smaller infinities within the larger infinity. Huh? My imagination failed. Infinity IS infinite, right? How could there be smaller infinities within a larger infinity? Wouldn't they all just run together so the larger infinities adopted the smaller ones? Like social services for infinities?

Ouch! I'm getting a headache just remembering the conversation. Ever the scientist, the Turkey presses on. Here's an excerpt:

Think of the larger infinity as an invisible container with a whole bunch of smaller infinities inside. (I'm imagining a matroska doll.) Some of the smaller infinities will collapse and fall in on themselves, others will just keep bumping around in the larger infinity fish bowl. (Ditch the matroska. I'm now imagining this as a pinball game but the flippers aren't working fast enough.) The large infinity can be a form of antimatter scientists call Nothing. Nothing being capitalized because “Nothing” is not nothing. (Headache alert. Do you have any ibuprofen?) Nothing is the “stuff” which holds every universe together, and brings some to collapse. Nothing has mass, as proved by Einstein. It accounts for approximately 96% of our universe. It may account for about 99.99999% of the large infinity, while the smaller infinities account for an infinitesimally small amount. (Um. Yeah. I'm still not following but if it will get you a scholarship, by all means, keep going.)

Blah ... universe ... random ... not all Nothing was created equal ... mass of nothing ... infinitely expanding ... blah ... pockets ... anti-mass ... (HEADACHE!) ... infinity ... interchangeable ... (is anyone else envisioning a scene from Men in Black?) ... larger infinity ... possible ...

Frankly, he lost me at imagine.

Cheese, glorious cheese!

It's no secret that we like cheese. Multiple varieties are standard for any grocery excursion and cheese occupies the master bedroom of the refrigerator - the largest drawer. Given the prevalent cheese love, it should come as no surprise that Drew deftly changed the lyrics to the Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams are Made of This to the following homage to fromage. Enjoy!

Sweet dreams are made of cheese,
Who are you to disagree?
Travel the world and sample brie
Everybody's looking for gouda
Some of them want to be cheddar
Some of them want to grated by you.

A memoir in 6. By me.

Try this, you might like it!

A friend recently attended a retreat where the book Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure was used as the focal point of their discussion. You got it - a memoir in six, count 'em, SIX words. This is definitely not a blogger's strong suit! It is as difficult as it is easy; as profound as it is silly. Check out the book and website and see what you come up with. Be sure to post your 6 worder in the comment section, preferably on pink turkey as the comment sections are complaining of loneliness. Here are some personal musings to get you started:

1. There really is a Santa Claus.
2. Forwarding address expired. I've moved on.
3. Keep writing and something will happen.
4. Life is not a spectator sport.
5. Solo parenting teenager and still laughing.
6. I'm done. Now it's your turn.

Card game

It is halfway through November and my brain is swirling with holiday thoughts. Not the turkey and stuffing sort of thoughts, but the paper and glue and doo-dads and envelopes and stamps variety. This time of year the brain automatically shifts to Christmas Cards and their deadline looming on the horizon. I start fondling paper and caressing it like silk, weighing options and experimenting with vellums and threads and glitters, deciding on a shapes and messages, and then whittling the list of recipients. Yes, I go a bit nuts. OK, more than a bit. Try Hi-my-name-is-Jess-and-I'm-a-Christmas-card-aholic. Here. Check out some of previous Christmas card designs:

The "joy" is actually a gift tag and the pink underneath is sparkly wrapping paper. This is one of those designs where it was more conceptual, and each card was distinctly different although the materials and inside greeting were the same. Here's another "joy" card:

Then we move to simple, crafted from recycled card stock, paper bags and gingham fabric. The text was scribbled in brown magic marker.

Here are two from my square card kick. The pink one was a ton of fun and time consuming. "Joy to the world" is printed on vellum and tacked to a big square of pink. Framing the text is a slide frame with funky thread peeking out from beneath.

And blue, the color of advent. These were simple squares of blue and white, hand cut so they were a bit wonky. The swirly vellum was a great backdrop for a pewter snowflake.


So what to do for 2008? Whatever the concept I'm determined to go 100% recycled materials. That's right card fans, only materials currently inhabiting the drawers and boxes and shelves of the house. Believe me, there's PLENTY to choose from! I already have some wacky ideas. Stay tuned for the final result(s)!

A trip to the museum

Have you noticed there’s no better place for people watching than public transportation hubs? Think about all the fascinating people you see at airports, trains, metros, sidewalks. Got a good mental image? Good. Now think about the venue as a museum with all of those fascinating people as living works of art. A friend of mine calls this the Museum of Humanity.

One such Work of Art caught my attention earlier this week while sitting in the Museum of Humanity's metro train wing. It was about 8pm, there weren't many people around and the darkness outside enveloped the car, turning the large windows in to veritable mirrors. The woman about 3 rows up was talking. There was nobody else around her. I automatically thought her animated conversation was due to a cell phone or Bluetooth in her vicinity. As she turned, however, there was no Bluetooth and no cell phone. Gasp! Could it be? Could this be the revered Work of Art known as "Woman in Row 1 and Her Reflection?" Cha-ching! Imagine my inner excitement when it was confirmed she was talking to herself as was indeed "Woman in Row 1 and Her Reflection." Yes, she was talking to her own reflection in the window! WiR1aHR was beautiful, artfully arranged and her conversation quite animated, even heated from time to time. This was a truly classic Museum experience. Michelangelo himself could not have carved or painted her more brilliantly! I was immediately enthralled.

As I continued to study this particular Work of Art and her conversation with her reflection, I noticed others doing the same. There were audible gasps from onlookers, whispers, giggles, even a snicker; all other conversation disintegrated to hushed tones as we were all captivated by the sheer power of the Art. It was only the metro announcer with the crackled cry of "next stop, Union Station!" that shook the reverie. All too soon it was over. One last look, one last listen, and I stepped off the metro as she sped east towards more conversation.

Thinking back on WiR1aHR I am still awed by the experience. Do look for her next time you find yourself entrenched in the Museum of Humanity. She's tough to locate but well worth it. And if you don't find her but stumble upon a Work of Art just as intriguing, do share!

Milk cartons, here we come

The following is a missing persons report:

Name: Drew (also goes by Turkey)
Height: taller than me
Weight: skinny minny
Eyes: Yes
Hair: Yes
Last seen: some time in September

He's been abducted by aliens! Maybe those aliens are more commonly known as hormones, but the kid has obviously been abducted. The child that looks suspiciously like my kid is scatterbrained (forgot his keys for the second day in a row today), amazingly disorganized (can't find the permission slips I signed last night), loses his lunch money (or maybe he spends it on new pencils becuase he loses those as well), can't remember what he's supposed to do from one moment to the next, never charges his cell phone so it's dead when he really does need it, and oh those eating spells! Seriously. This can't be my kid. The humor is still in tact but I swear the rest of him was abducted.

If seen, please feed the child a large cheese pizza (don't worry - you won't have many leftovers) before returning home.

Magazines

We were shopping recently when I made some offhanded gripe. It was probably more like a Gripe with a capital G. Drew replied, "Mom, you're like a magazine. You have issues!"

HUH? I have issues? OK. Yeah. Well, the kid has a point. To wit: ironed pillowcases. Need I say more?

"Issues, huh? Back issues, or am I currently in circulation?" Wait. Do I smell bloggable conversation in the air? Roger that. Ooo, goody! The emote-o-meter moves from gripey to impish faster than a new B-mer on the autobahn.

Drew was lost in thought to the count of three Mississippi and then said, "You're currently in circulation with maybe, oh, 40 years of back issues."

"Thanks, dude." Punch in the arm. "So what magazine am I? National Geographic with lovely images and insightful, educational articles?"

"Nope." Drat. I was hoping for something brilliantly photographic with smart writing.

"Real Simple?"

"Ha. There's nothing simple about you, Mom." He's got a point.

"Martha Stewart? Better Homes and Gardens? National Enquirer?"

"Definitely not!" We're both giggling.

"Then what magazine am I?"

We laughed over the ridiculous possibilities for a while -- Country Living, Oprah, Playboy, Runner's World, Car & Driver, InStyle, Boy's Life. How funny that Drew is a no brainer with Scientific American. I, however, need a lifetime subscription to ProfessionalFrustratedDecoratorEasyCookingCrafterPaperfreakHome-ShoppingSingleMom for Dummies, pink edition.

For back issues, please contact me @ the email address previously provided. Leave a message after the beep.

Vote for java!

After you vote on Tuesday be sure to head over to one of your local Starbucks. Tell the friendly barrista you voted and you'll get a free tall coffee! Yes, FREE! And all because you voted. As a bonus, the extra caffeine will help you stay up to watch the returns.

Voting for java. What a cool concept.

Hallo - BOO! - ween

This Halloween ended a 9-year tradition for Drew. For the past 9 years he has been dressing up as a vampire for trick-or-treating. We had dressing up down to a science. This year, however, he decided he'd have more fun hanging on the porch and handing out candy to the shorter set. No dressing up. Well, he did have his "fear the turtle" shirt on and said that counted. Sure.

Drew was on the porch handing out candy and talking about his pumpkin when it occurred to me just WHY he didn't want to go trick-or-treating. It's called pumpkin docent. He was having more fun talking about the science behind his pumpkin creation! See, we have this way cool disc embedded with LED lights and a bubbler; drop it in a pumpkin with a little water and it not only changes colors but also makes smoke. Ooooh! Aaaah!




The pumpkin was the subject of much of the conversation last night. MUCH conversation! Drew did a great job with the carving and was very proud of his creation. It really was neato burrito.

Our traditional glitter eyeballs popping out of the front flower bed were eclipsed by the smokin' pumpkin, but they were still there:



And then there was the 2nd character filled pumpkin:


All the decor aside, we had a great time with the trick-or-treaters who stopped by the house. Lots of super cute costumes. Our favorite was the little boy dressed up like a sheriff. He must have been 3 or 3-and-a-half and had a personality with more bubble than a bubble gum factory. He arrived at the end of our driveway in his stroller pushed by dad, jumped out, held his hand up to dad with a "stway there!" command, sauntered up to us on the front porch, and acted his part to a tee. The little sheriff held out his gun, butt side towards us, and said "Bang! Bang! Twick or tweet!" then looked around for his pumpkin candy bag. He couldn't find the candy bag (which remained attached to the stroller) so he held out his hand and grinned. Drew put candy in his hand. A quick "thank you bye" followed along with another backwards "bang" from the toy gun, and then he practically galloped back to his stroller. As soon as he was seated on stroller Tonto again he waved and said "bye!", leaving Drew and I laughing in hysterics. I wish you could have seen this kid. The confidence, the backwards gun and the words that just ran together ... priceless! Who needs mastercard?!

Timmy's limericks

Ladies and gentlemen, turkey of all ages, please give a big pink turkey welcome to our guest blogger, Timmy*. Say it with me - Hi Timmy! :)

Timmy (not his real name but we've got to protect the not-so-innocent) works with me and penned some limericks during a meeting when he was supposed to be doing something else. (Shh! Don't tell anyone.) During the ensuing laugh fest Missy* double dog dared me to let Timmy be a guest blogger and post the following:

I know a woman named Jess
Special events she does best
Salmon or turkey,
Egg rolls or jerky,
Go ahead, make your request.

There's a girl who really likes pink,
So much so, I started to think,
If the sky was more ruddy,
And rivers less muddy,
The world would be in less of a stink.

My colleague's name is Jess Crazy*,
Her hair's a bit curly and wavy.
Her smile's so contagious,
Her humor - so outrageous,
She could take over the Navy!

Thank you, Timmy, for those kind words. To all of you thinking I paid Timmy to say this, please know that he was soooo bored during the meeting that he would have written limericks for just about anybody! Thanks - I think - for guest blogging. Come back again real soon now, ya hear?!

* Not their real name. Not really, anyway.

Hooray for Tuesday!

Tuesdays are my favorite days of the week. Not Friday. Not Saturday. Definitely NOT Monday. Tuesday, yes, Tuesday is my favorite. Why, you ask? Tuesday is the day iTunes posts new songs! (Also known as the Day the Music Junkie Gets Her Fix, but 'Tuesday' is easier to enunciate so let's just go with that.)

After pouring a cup o' java this morning, I hurriedly surfed over to iTunes and was dee-lighted with what was there. Squeal! Oh, it is glorious. It is wonderful. It is Christmas personified. It's the Straight No Chaser holiday album!

Straight No Chaser, the YouTube sensation and IU a capella group, was signed by Atlantic Records and today, Tuesday, was the release of their holiday album. Hooray! You can find the album, Holiday Spirits, on iTunes or amazon or anywhere else fine holiday music is sold. Look for their rendition of the 12 days to appear on our Christmas playlist, too. In the meantime, here's the original YouTube video for immediate enjoyment and giggles:

It's the great pumpkin

We were at the farm stand today. The pumpkins and gourds were picked over but that's just the way I like them. What's left are the "Charlie Brown trees" of pumpkins. They aren't quite perfect, and that imperfection gives them tons o' character. Just check out these vine ripened gourds. Doesn't the stem on the green one look like a dragon? Look closely. (Tilting your head slightly to the left helps a little, too.) The dragon's head is basking in the sunlight, ears sticking out, tongue flicking like it is getting ready to blacken the gourd underneath it. What? You still don't see it? Hmm. Try a glass of wine.

The green gourds above were teensy in comparison to what we found on a lonely palate on the edge of the property. The sign said these orange doozies were between 12 and 25 pounds each. They were obviously on the waiting list to see the dermatologist. Just look at those zits!



Hiding on the back of the palate of pumpkins was this one that looked like a pear who had too many carrots and needed to cut back on the steroids!



I so love the "Charlie Brown tree" character of these pumpkins. They don't sit up by themselves, they are covered with bumps and lumps, and have been passed over by thousands of eager kids looking for The Perfect Pumpkin. We gave them some love for a while, talked with them, turned them over and tilted them this-a-way and that-a-way as we looked for our carveables. It took some time but we found two large pumpkins to come home with us. You'll be happy to know they have loads of character!

We also bought a bag of apples, sweet potatoes, broccoli and onions, but those aren't quite as fun as the pumpkins. (Unless you make bourbon mashed sweet potatoes like I did tonight and then they are SUPER fun!) Hallo-boo-ween is just 4 days away and then we'll reveal our pumpkins and the annual trick-or-treating decor. Stay tuned! Until then, go check out the characters hanging around at your local farm stand or pumpkin patch. They'll love you for it.

Round objects

Drew's physics class is mostly boys. 14-year-old boys no less, so you can imagine the rowdiness and crude comments. It only took 5 weeks before Mr. Physics Teacher banned them from using the word "balls." In describing round objects that would previously be known as balls, the kids must now refer to such objects as "spheres." A super smart move for Mr. Physics Teacher.

This new terminology has crept in to our personal lexicon. The other night we had spaghetti and meat spheres for dinner. Not just any meat sphere, mind you. Nope. They were TURKEY meat spheres!

Lordy, lordy!

So we're in the car, the location of many great conversations, and start talking about H. Yep. That's the letter H. Specifically, as the letter H appears in Jesus H. Christ. Right. "Mom, what does the H in Jesus H. Christ stand for?" The question was asked and, as any good parent would do, I pounced on the opportunity for a teaching moment.

Uh. Yeah. Cough. Little white lie alert. Let me clarify ... the question was asked and I first used it as a spring board to Teenager Conversation and THEN to the teaching opportunity. It went something like this ...

What does the H stand for? Let's brainstorm possibilities. Hugo? Herbert? Hunter? Humperdink was a popular answer, and the suggestion of Heffner brought on peals of laughter. Humphrey? Hoyt? Hiram? Huckleberry? Harry? Humdinger? Heaven? The list went on.

Forget the etymological answer for just a sec -- which is the Greek IHS (ding! teaching moment) -- and meander back to Heffner because there are still uncontrollable giggles. Just picture it: Jesus Heffner Christ. Oh my. Do you see it? Picture the two men - Jesus Christ and Hugh Heffner. Did you catch the similarity? Right. They both walk around in ROBES! And picture the girls next door as apostles! LOL!

Lordy! We both laughed so hard we cried. The good news is that instead of uttering "Jesus H. Christ" on occasion, now the turkey mutters "Heffner!"

Oy vey!

Hypothetically speaking

Help! Here's what the turkey asked last night. How does one respond?

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

Chicks with brains

Remember Turkey the Younger's comment about nerds last week? That non-nerds will bring him down in nerddom? Well, I let some time pass and then just to be certain I was understanding the Pecking Order of Nerds I broached the subject of girls. Do female friends get held to the same standards? Can a girl be "hot" AND a nerd? Is it possible to date a girl from outside nerddom? Or does a "hot" girl also drop you down a peg? Does the "hotness" scale trump the nerd scale? What are the DQ's with girls? I obviously had a lot of questions, but the answer was singular:

"Well, she has to have brains."

Right on! My inward excitement starts to build. There might actually be a teenage boy who looks to brains before beauty. Then it hits ...

"Like I need to be able to discuss quantum or theoretical physics with her. She has to be able to keep up. The nerd part is optional."

Gulp. Did he just imply that girls weren't as smart because they had to "keep up?" I can't discuss quantum physics so does that mean he's moving out? Inward excitement has officially deflated. I still don't know if "hot" trumps nerd, but I DO know it's time to brush up on quantum physics.

Wildlife?

It was a gorgeous day in the neighboorhood today. Blue sky, about 72 degrees, slight breeze, leaves are just starting to turn, nothing on the agenda until the evening, so we made plans to leave the coop for a while. We spent a couple hours checking out other nests, burrows, dens ... ok, we were LOOKING for nests, burrows and dens, but to no avail. It was a fun trek none-the-less. Especially with the made-up songs! (Look for them in a future post.)



Now we're off for another adventure -- calculus club!

Favorite fall happening

Each fall I look forward to the crispness in the air, leaves changing, digging out the sweaters, getting cozy, warm beverages, all things pumpkin, school being in full swing ... you get the idea. There is one aspect of fall that I look forward to more than most, though, and today I'm giddy with excitement to see it has occurred. Giddy, gleeful, excited, happy, and just downright peachy keen. Yes, my friends, today iTunes has "holiday" listed as a searchable genre again! Woo hoo! Not only is holiday appearing in the searchable genre menu, there are even new releases to peruse. YIPPEE! This is truly the most wonderful time of the year! (glee. glee. more glee!)

So with another audible "woo hoo!" for good measure, this holiday tunes addict is off to check out the newest Christmas albums. Toodles!

(Sorry for the overdose of exclamation points but I'm just so excited!)

A rich pedicure

Managing the budget in this current economic climate calls for creativity: Netflix and Pop Secret instead of trips to the movie theater, skipping Amazon and utilizing the library for book cravings, honing cooking skills in lieu of critiquing local chefs, taking time to hand wash instead of dry cleaning, judicious driving, packing lunches, adjusting the thermostat, and self-styled manicures and pedicures. Those are just a few examples of creative dollar stretching we are employing. I'm certain you have a list, too.

In completing the latest home pedi, waiting impatiently for the polish to dry enough before jumping back in to the fast lane, my eyes were drawn to a framed quote propped on the shelf:


Rich is not how much you have, or where you are going, or even what you are; Rich is who you have beside you.

As we all make adjustments to cope with a new economic reality, the beauty of this simple quote rings true. Life is rich ... freshly lacquered toes and all.

Yes, that's my frog prince and knight in shining armor in the photo. :-)

Pecking order

After Turkey The Younger's last calculus club (yes, that would be calculus for FUN) I inquired as to the whereabouts of Friend Z. "Is Z in calculus club?" "No, he doesn't do that." Let me preface the next quote with the fact that Z is part of the Group and hangs with the boys at lunch. He is a good looking young man, well spoken, polite, preppy, smart, drama free. So I asked, "Hey, why don't you invite Z over to the house some time?" You'll love the response:

"Nope. He's not nerdy enough."

Hell-lo? So the turkey can only hang out with nerdy friends? Affirmative. A non-nerd will apparently bring him down on the nerd social scale. It's no longer about social climbing, it's about maintaining and exceeding social status within nerddom. A pecking order for nerds. Who knew?

Welcome!

Ta da! Welcome to the new site!

Wait. Why did we need a new site? Oh yeah. After a few months in the blogosphere and finding my "blogger voice" it was apparent the look, layout and name of the old site just didn't jive. So here we have a perky name, lighter look, infusion of pink (yay!), and website that matches the blog title. Even the old posts made the move, packing up their words and jumping in the moving van with their original dates and timestamps so you won't miss any content. Nice, eh? All that's left to do is to send out the change of address cards.

Enjoy!


Disclaimer: No turkeys were harmed in the establishment of this site. No feathers dusted, no birds stuffed. No artificial flavorings added (unless you count the diet coke plus last night). Site is certified* 100% pure pink turkey.

* certified with extra C for CRAZY!

It rained on our parade

Today was the annual local community parade and fair. Well, it was supposed to be yesterday but it rained all day so the festivities were moved to today. See the dark sky behind the trees in the photo? Yep, it rained today too.

The theme of the parade and fair this year recognized the 100th aniversary of our lovely hamlet, thus the one-zero-zero on the car. Riding in the car were 94-year-old G and 6-year-old M. (Get it: 94 + 6 = 100.) When it started raining about 1/4 into the parade we snagged the numbers off the car and used them as makeshift umbrellas, and put the top up on the 'vert' keeping G and M (and driver D, not to mention the upholstery) dry. Even with our handy dandy zeros-masquerading-as-umbrellas we were soaked. Soaked! Let's just say there's a big ol' reason there are no post-parade photos.

It might have rained on our parade but we made the most of it. The downpour quit about the time we made it to the fair. Our rain soaked selves started working the booth, visiting with friends, sitting in the sun in hopes of drying out, blowing up balloons, and just being goofy. We left 3 hours later, somewhat dry and - get this - sunburned!

... but I won't feel blue ...

Drew mentioned that he had a song running through his head and it was stuck on repeat. He couldn't get it out of his head. It was something like Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall." I see that stuck song and raise you one, dear turkey. "Super Trouper" from Mamma Mia has been stuck in my head for days. Not just stuck, but to the point I want to put on the white patent leather boots and prance around singing "tonight the super trouper lights are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue like I always do, 'cause somewhere in the crowd there's youuu!" Ah, good ol' ABBA.

"ABBA, who?" asks Drew. I sense the moment is ripe to introduce him to some groovy, cheerful music and quickly hit play on the iPod and turn up the volume. He listens to the acapella intro and maybe the first two phrases before one eyebrow goes up and he looks at me like I'm utterly nuts. Utterly. What he said next is not fit for the blogosphere but it ended with "here are your headphones, mom." So much for groovy mamma mia.

...but I won't feel blue ... 'cause somewhere in the crowd there's youuuuu! Sing it, sister!

New job description

In addition to my regular job I am now a professional chauffeur and banker. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks last weekend and this week only confirmed it. In other words, I am the mother of a teenager.

Here's the job description: feed and clothe child growing faster than a weed, drive to sundry activities and social engagements at all hours, dispense money for said activities and social engagements, change work hours to accommodate teenager's schedule, dispense money, monitor homework in subjects for which I have no abilities (physics, anyone?), cajole teenager out of bed before 11am, dispense money, drive to another engagement, act like a cool mom in front of teenager's friends, dispense money, then wait for the phone call saying "you can pick me up now." The hours are rotten, the pay is even worse. Job requires flexibility, mental gymnastics, cash, emotional acuity, nerves of steel, a valid drivers license, acting skills, some cooking abilities, and a healthy dose of humor. Benefits are limited to love but only when teenager's friends are not around. Working conditions ...

Whoops! I need to cut this short. The teenager is calling for his chauffeur. Must leave a little early so there's time to swing by the ATM, too. Toodles!

A brush with fame

I've seen the Madonna. Not only have I seen her, I've worked with her. The Madonna and Jackie Kennedy kept me straight for a number of years. Madonna had the office next to mine and would often be found in my space, perched in a black pleather chair with her toes in the sheep skin rug that really looked like a bear but no one cared because it was so entertaining. She was a good peep to have around. Ah, the Madonna and Mrs. Kennedy. Good times.

Anyway, the Madonna emailed this afternoon with e-giggles and a link to her sister's latest blog post. That would be Sister Eileen, not Sister Martha. Think I'm pulling your leg? Click here and believe!

Fluff-a-doodle-doo!

Yep, that's me in the gorgeous office of modular furniture (I hear faux wood and metal is making a come back). Look beyond the furnishings, the garish light and the piles of papers on the desk to the real story: the hair. Hair. A nice bob with tuck-behind-the-ears ability. For the past year I've been growing it out from the choppy 'do in the photo at right to this bob. What was surprising is how much I missed the old 'do. I'm just not a bob.

So Super Scissors Sally and Harry Highlighter worked their magic yesterday. Their instructions: fun and funky, shine, streaks of color, and serious FLUFF.

Now, before you start thinking I turned in to a poodle, check it out:








Fluff-a-doodle-'do!

Randomness

I've seen it going around the blogosphere and today it hit email again. Those answer-these-12- questions-about-yourself-and-send-it-to-your-12-bestest-friends emails. Or for bloggers, post 6 random things about yourself. The email arrived today as a forward so I figure we'll hit two turkeys with the one entry below. Grab your popcorn and a soda, turn off your cell phones, be considerate of those around you, please keep your shoes off the furniture, and enjoy the show.

(cue theme music)


6 Random Facts about Jess

1. My favorite color is PINK but my house is so NOT pink.

2. Jackie Kennedy was my assistant.

3. My son was in Harvard in 6th and 7th grade. Honestly. (OK. So that was more about him than me, but it's still a random fact.)

4. I heart Christmas songs! My iPod is populated with close to 4,000 songs and nearly 1/4 of them are Christmas. It's a fabulous problem to have.

5. I have appeared on stage with Itzhak Perlman ... uh, huh ... wait for it ... as a page turner!

6. One of my nicknames, SEG, was bestowed upon me by WG. Web Goddess (get it? WG short for Web Goddess) taught me the ins and outs of blogger and helped create the first blog that lasted, oh, a couple weeks. SEG is short for Special Events Goddess. It's always good to hang with the goddesses. Jackie Kennedy would heartily agree.

Turkey dinner?

To blog or not to blog? That is not the question. Rather, is it better to blog with a glass of wine or a margarita? Tonight it's ... drum roll, please ... a glass of wine! (cue applause)

My friend M remarked that my "love" of turkey had been hithertofor unknown. Had I been hiding a secret love of turkey? Was I super fond of Thanksgiving? Because one should really LOVE turkey if their blog is called "A Turkey Dinner," right? Um, well. Yeah. There's that. Then there's the need for a catchy name for a blog. The catchy name won. Because if you really want to know, turkey is OK but it is certainly not my favorite. Meat. Turkey is not my favorite MEAT. It was just a great analogy for the quirky things in life. And it's amazing how funny life - and turkeys! - look after a glass of wine!

Cheers!

Lobster, not turkey

One of our favorite restaurants is the Grill at Quarterfield Station, affectionately known in this house as Quarterfield Grill. They have a broad menu, friendly staff, comfortable atmosphere, friendly staff, great week night specials and good food. Did I mention they have a friendly staff? We're talkin' capitol FRIENDLY staff! We are especially fond of their breakfast/brunch menu. Even though they took my all-time favorite off the menu (I think it was a supply/quality issue. bummer.) we still frequent the joint. Frequently. Next time you're in town we'll take you there, too.

Oh, my all-time favorite menu item was lobster benedict. Think about your traditional eggs benedict with lobster instead of canadian bacon. YUM! Let out a holler if you ever see lobster benedict on another menu. I'm so there!

And didya notice their logo looks suspiciously like, oh, a fun feathered friend for whom this blog is named? :-)

Happy birthday!

Celebrating the bird

Drew's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be (gulp!) 14.

For his 10th I peppered the house with post-it notes. He woke up and they were everywhere he would be in the morning -- his bedroom, sock drawer, bathroom, hallway, kitchen, front door, in/on the fridge, in his cereal bowl, and in the car. There were even post-its on the inside of the toilet lid! It took a long time and a few packs of post-its, but the reaction was priceless.

But what to do for his 14th? The gift thing is taken care of, I'm just still debating what to DO. Fill his room with helium balloons? Sidewalk chalk the driveway with happy birthday messages? Birthday banner on the front door? Tin foil his bed? Stick birthday messages in/on all his school books? Any ideas?

Potatoes or rice?

Potatoes or rice? Fries or chips? Ketchup or mustard? Ranch or vinaigrette? Credit or debit? Some things are relatively easy to decide. For the food choices it's a quick check-in with the Taste Buds followed by the verbalization of what they told you to say. Standing at the gas pump choosing "credit or debit," weighing the $0.75 debit bank charge versus the credit card interest rate versus the credit card points ... woah. That's high math. Just push a button and somehow fork over $40.

Like credit or debit, fries or chips, ketchup or mustard, there are often easy choices in life and we make them regularly with somewhat limited brain involvement. There are even times we say "both!" I mean, sometimes you just want ketchup AND mustard on a hot dog. (And a napkin, please.)

Last night as I was about to enter the check-out line at the store and contemplating the cash-or-credit choice that was to come, Drew hit me with another choice when he asked which of the following was correct (hold on to your hat):

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or Sesquipedalophobia

HUH?! All cash-or-credit mental activity screeched to a halt. Hippo-what? Seismic activity was now registering in the brain. The cashier wants an answer on the cash-or-credit question. Cashier dude is trying to text on his cell phone while bagging our items. I really want to ask him if the company gave him customer service training, have second thoughts on that and also figure he's not going to be able to answer the hippo or sesquips question. I say "cash" and hope there's enough in the wallet. My brain goes back to hippos. Drew's giggling. Thankfully we complete the financial transaction at hand without so much as a cursory 'thank you' from cash register dude (can you say "letter to corporate?") and I'm put out of my misery shortly thereafter with the following answers:

Hippopotomonstrosequippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. At 35 letters it is one of the longest words in the English language. Sesquipedalophobia is the shorter version and most often used in print because, well, it's shorter. I don't think my son suffers from this particular phobia. Possibly mother-about-to-kill-me-because-I-couldn't-find-my-homework-at-6:20-this-morning-phobia but definitely not a fear of long words.

Potatoes or rice, anyone?

Is that the dinner bell?

No, it's the SCHOOL bell! Today was the first day of high school. Unlike preschool, kindergarten, first grade and second grade, the Teenager Code apparently now prohibits mothers from taking photos on the first day of school. Honest. Luckily I asked before reaching for the camera, thus saving myself a citation and ridiculous fine.

Appropriate for table conversation

It is Friday. In the office we're all dragging from a hectic week, giddy from staying up way too late to watch the Olympics, delighted it's payday, even more excited that the weekend is almost upon us. This giddy crew is in a meeting this morning, slam-dunks a presentation, and then starts talking about cartoons and kids' characters from back when we were little. (Contrary to Drew's opinion, we did indeed have television when I was little. Color TV, at that.) Smurfs, Monchichi's, Gem, Rainbow Bright, Sesame Street ... it all led down a dangerous path to Statler and Waldorf and then twisted to the even more dangerous Mahna Mahna.

Just because I'm a nice person and feel it's only appropriate to share our Mahna Mahna giddiness, I hereby present the giggle fest of the afternoon:



Go, Statler and Waldorf! And "mahna mahna" to you as you start your weekend! :-)

The battle of the nest

I couldn't take it any more. It had been nagging at me all summer and I finally snapped this past weekend. The younger turkey's nest was just a mess! Not only a mess but we've lived in this coop for 2 years and his walls were still naked. Egads. So I finally broke the "non interference" rule, invoked the Monroe Doctrine, and marched on the #2 Nest. Swiffer dusters peeking out from the tool belt, drill firmly in hand, I was ready for battle. (Cue theme song.)

It was a brutal day in the Nest. The battle left me breathless at times and my heart was racing as I defeated moldy kitchenware, and recycled water bottles and soda cans. I was dusty, grimy, sweaty, and fighting with a broken nail. A quick trip to the mess hall at noon and a session with the emery board then I was ready for the afternoon's battle. A couple lone spiders tried to get me off my game but there was no deterrance. Socks were thrown in to the hamper, trash swept ruthlessly in to bins. Curtain rods - UP! Wall shelves - INSTALLED! Carpet - CLEAN! Bed linens - CHANGED! And just like that the battle was over. I retreated to the larger nest, cleaned and polished the drill before locking it in its case, changed out of camo gear, donned the sunglasses, and left to pick up Drew who was returning from camp.

The Battle of the Nest was hastily called so no journalists were embedded for the fray. However, your intrepid blogger did snap these before and after shots:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Turkey in a partridge's tree

On the second day of summer my lovely son gave to me, 11 days in Turkey and a smile broader than the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. By the end of summer, my lovely son gave to me:

• 11 days in Turkey
• 10 loads of laundry
  
• 9 new blog entries
  
• 8 iTunes mixes
  
• 7 consecutive nights at home
  
• 6 days at Massanutten
  
• 5 weeks at camp!
  
• 4 picasa photo albums
  
• 3 new suitcases
• 2 doctor visits

and a smile broader than the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. :)

Not the pilgrim's mayflower

We had company this weekend. My friend Melissa was en route from Cincinnati to Roanoke and engineered a visit in between business opportunities. She arrived Sunday morning--via plane, not the Mayflower--and we promptly took her to our favorite show-it-off-to-out-of-towners site, Annapolis, for the day. We toured the Naval Academy, had ice cream at Storm Bros., briskly walked through downtown as the parking meter was about to run out, crossed the bridge to Eastport and ooh'd and aah'd at the yachts, and then drove home through rain and hail to make dinner and watch the Olympics. The next morning we dropped off Drew for the final camp of the summer, then continued south to Roanoke where we spent 24 hours before coming back north for M to catch a flight home from Dulles. It was quite a whirlwind tour!

In the photo above you can see the ship My Shanti moored outside of the Annapolis Yacht Club. To call this ship a beauty is an understatement! The photo doesn't do it justice. That's the Eastport bridge to the left and just peeking out beyond the ship you can see the blue-gray siding of the Yacht Club. If you look really closely you can even see a smaller boat sitting on the deck. Yep, the ship is THAT big!

Here are some shots Drew took at the Naval Academy:

Leftovers

This is Drew immediately after boy scout camp and just before his desmellifying treatment (ie, shower). Thumb still attached. The stitches came out one week later and all is well.

See the patch on his right pocket? That's the totin' chip earned for demonstrating "proper handling, care, and use of the pocket knife, ax, and saw." I checked and they don't take the patch away when "improper use" is noted. I'm relieved because sewing these patches on is a pain in the butt!

Gobble, gobble!

The following was consumed at our house last night in about an hour and a half:

a big bowl of cheerios with milk
an entire box of mac and cheese
3 "fish sticks" (strips of cod dredged in bread crumbs and baked. Shhh! Drew eats 'em because he thinks they come from a box!)
1/2 a bowl of grapes
1/2 a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips
1 can of root beer
1 bottle of water

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That we need to seriously brush our teeth? Well, there is that. But here's what really got me going: I'm gonna be broke. Seriously! Penniless. Insolvent. Fiduciarily challenged. Strapped. Impecunious. Destitute. Whatever you want to call it - broke! Drew ate all of the above in a span of 90 bleeping minutes! Yep. ALL of it. He had dinner and was still hungry so he kept coming back for more. After polishing off the fish, mac and grapes that had been fixed for his dinner, he was digging through the fridge and pantry to see what else he could find. The only reason he finally stopped eating is because he fell asleep on the couch watching Science Channel. (I'd fall asleep too, but that's another story.)

You've seen the photos - he's 5'10" and 136 pounds as of last week - the kid has no room for all this food. We don't even have a dog he could be secretly feeding! But if last night was indication, it looks like teenagerdom has finally settled in for the long haul. I'm bracing for a huge hit to the grocery budget and a growth spurt within the next 6 weeks. Yep, I'm gonna be broke.

Oh, and just to set the record straight, my dinner consisted of a strip of fish and side salad.

Turkey in Turkey

Ladies and gentlemen, turkeys of all ages, it's the moment we've all been waiting for ... Drew's photos from Turkey!

Turkey cutlets

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a pocket knife?
In Drew's case, he got stitches in his thumb.

I received one of those heart-stopping calls from the camp nurse today that everything was fine, Drew had just been treated and had a few stitches after a slip-up with a pocket knife. Whew. After grilling her on size, location, treatment protocols, follow-ups, etc. I got to talk with Drew for a bit. He was shaken up by the novacaine injections (not the sutures or the act of getting sliced, mind you) and bummed that he is restricted from swimming in the lake, but is otherwise fine. And as a measure of "fine," he quickly reminded me that it was lunch time and he would miss lunch if he didn't get off the phone and over to the dining hall. Right. See ya Sunday night, kid!

34 hours later ...

On the way to Camp #4! Have fun, boys!

A homing turkey?

You've heard of homing pigeons, right? What about homing turkeys? Because I am beginning to think Drew is a homing turkey. So far this summer he's 3 for 3. Three excursions; three returns. I can't say his take-offs are all that smooth as I usually find a few scattered feathers after each one, but at least he's coming home with all his stuffing in tact. Cross your fingers the next two trips are just as good.

He just got home after what seems to be a grand week at Camp #3. Below are some photos we took after tonight's closing ceremony. It's such a picturesque place. And now I'm doing the multi-tasking thing of watching the 11pm news, blogging, editing photos and listening to the laundry agitating. Clothes must be clean for Drew flies the coop again in 34 hours for Camp #4. No rest for the weary!

Flyin' the coop

He's gone again. I dropped him off at camp on Sunday with barely a "bye, mom!" before he lugged all his gear upstairs to claim a bunk. This is Drew's third year doing both summer and winter camps at this particular place so he's obviously gotten comfortable with the routine, the counselors, and the other kids in attendance. In the past we've taken several minutes to identify The Perfect Bunk before he would let me help him unpack the necessities like flashlight, book and fan, unfurl the sleeping bag, and then we would meander downstairs for the requisite good bye hugs. This year it was good bye routine, hello independent teenager.

What he doesn't know is that I flew the coop as well. Barely 12 hours after "bye, mom" from Mr. Independent Teenager, I jumped on a train to New York. Hello, Big Apple! It was a day of gastronomical delights, sights and smells, a celebration for April, a quintessential NY hair raising taxi ride, a wonderful visit to Kate's Paperie, and dinner at Artisanal before catching the train home. Delicious. Delectable. De-frickin'-fabulous!

Turkey or haggis?

I found this band during one of my many e-tail therapy sessions with iTunes. Enter the Haggis is nearly impossible to classify so let's quote their website by saying "eth is a high energy collision of celtic, rock and world styles." Bagpipes, fiddles, electric guitars, drums, vocals -- they've got it all! Who cares what haggis really is when one can have so much fun with the music? Turkey just makes you sleepy.

Happy everything!

Last summer we celebrated my sister's wedding. She and her hubby picked June 30 to marry, putting them smack in the middle of Event Week. Here's the line-up:

June 28 :: brother's birthday
June 30 :: sister and hubby's anniversary
July 2 :: mom & dad's anniversary
July 3 :: my birthday

Then we realized everyone but Devon and Drew had something personal to celebrate that week. We have since christened July 1 as "DD Day" for Devon and Drew so they, too, can be an active part of Event Week. Now we just need to find someone to take over June 29 and we'll have a celebration every day of the week!




Cheers!

Red feathers?

What is it with red? Have you noticed that in every photo of my turkey posted on this site he's wearing red? Yep. Red. Specifically, a red shirt. So here, for the first time in print, I'd like to introduce you to the other half of Drew's wardrobe: white ...

Consecration and tapas

Today we were two of 3,000 people at the National Cathedral celebrating the consecration of the 14th Bishop of Maryland. It was amazing. Breathtaking. Celebratory. Funny in parts. Humbling. Awesome. Not only were we in an absolutely stunning cathedral worshiping with 2998 other people, the pomp and ceremony surrounding the proceedings were fantastic and well executed. The event producer in me was impressed!





After the service we wandered around the Cathedral, admiring the artistry and architecture, taking pictures and greeting friends. How wonderful to see Bishop Townsend again! (Martin, please tell Barbara "hello" for us. I was so excited to see you that my manners flew out the proverbial window.)

From the Cathedral we made a beeline up Wisconsin Avenue to Bethesda. Not only was it well past lunch at 2:30 p.m., it was high time to introduce Drew to tapas! We settled at the lovely BamBule and quickly ordered several dishes. Bring on the small plates! The Pollo al Ajillo was Drew's favorite by far - he kept 95% of it for himself. We can also recommend the Pan y Jamon. YUM!

Our souls and bellies finally filled, we headed for home. The day, however, would not be complete without a birthday shout-out to my brother, middle sib, Jeem. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Leap of Faith

After looking through Drew's photos from Turkey and hearing the stories, there is a definite water theme emerging. Originally it was the Bosphorus, then the Mediterranean. Add the Dead Sea, Agean, guzzling holy water, exploring water falls, and then we get the photo below. He needs new swim trunks after this!

Standing in Europe looking at Asia

Stand

One of Drew's photos from the Hagia Sophia. I love the composition as well as the sign. Maybe "standart" was supposed to be "standard?"

Antalya, Turkey